i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Found the puke drawer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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