let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
