my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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