i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
