i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
