His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
