my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
