I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
