You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
