Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
