So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
