I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
