i would punch a child for taco bell
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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