paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom