Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My ass is underappreciated
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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