We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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