I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
