I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
