i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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