do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
