You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
