I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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