Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
