But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
