i don't like sucking hair
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
