my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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