she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize