he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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