Can Purell be used as lube?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
