having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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