So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
