mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
