I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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