my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
