My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
