shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
