It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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