Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
