That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
