i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
