My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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