Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
