so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
