Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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