Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
