this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
