end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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