I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
