So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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