im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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