Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
