Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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