I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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