Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Still dying that you shit outside
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
