remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sext me about skeletons
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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