i jhust puked up my retainher.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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