wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
