Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
