Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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