you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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