Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
