What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
