I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
