I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
