I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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