How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
